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I would drag my dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie.

seriousjones:

ever notice how there are no adults in WWE? that’s because WWE is actually purgatory. it’s all in vince mcmahon’s imagination. he never had parents to provide for him so he imagined the rock, who always had something cooking for him. the undertaker is how vince copes with the inevitability of death. also vince is in a coma

muscleluvr2:

oh youre a son? name 5 of your parents

gay8:

gay8:

gay8:

my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. they are tectonic plates. follow for more geological humour.

i really hope the two people who just followed me aren’t looking for geological humour or you are going to be earth-shatteringly disappointed

this post is one of my best by a landslide

heckacute:

She loved sweets so I tried my hand at making her some brownies. I say “loved” because she died. She died from eating the brownies I made. I had no idea that she was so allergic to bees.