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I would drag my dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie.

surprisebitch:

*calls 911*

911: hello, 911, what is your emergency?

me: help!! i lost my virginity!!

911: um im sorry.. but.. i dont think..

me: no, i lost my pet, “virginity” its name is virginity !

911: ohhh! xD

me: xD

batreaux:

unexplained-events:

Tyson the Swan

Tyson will attack you if you come within a two-mile stretch of the Grand Union Canal in Bugbrooke, Northamptonshire. Joe Davies learned this the hard way and capsized.

SOURCE

*headstrong by trapt plays*